I have been a real downer so far this year. My circumstances have not improved, but I shall try to change my focus for a while.
Seven months ago, I adopted an old and cranky cat. My household already felt full with one aged dog and two adult sister cats, but this cat needed a home. Her owner died and no one within the community of friends and caretakers was willing to take the cat. I had never met woman nor cat, but I was not going to let a cat be put down just because the folks around her were not cat people.
Over the past seven months, I have frequently wondered whether the reason no one adopted this cat was not because they were not cat people, but because they knew this cat.
To give you an idea of her personality, within the time I typed the above three paragraphs about her, she went from rubbing my monitors and trying knock items off my desk in order to get treats from me (I did not reward these behaviors) to rushing off and cornering one of the sisters in another room. Angry cat screams -- a disturbingly frequent noise since my Grey Grump arrived -- made me leap from my chair to interrupt yet another cat fight.
By some absolute miracle, this cat decided she liked me the instant she saw me, and she loves me now, but that does not stop her from growling and hissing at me the instant things do not meet her approval. She switches from content to spitting mad to content with the slightest change, showing no patience for even a moment of Not Her Way. I am so relieved that she at least decided my dog -- one of the most amiable creatures on the planet -- is no threat.
Adopting this cat has increased the stress and responsibility in my life, but has also been very rewarding. She may be a Hissy Pissy Missy with a hair trigger, but she also tries to herd me to places where we can cuddle and presses up against me with a decided affection.
Grey Grump is a living example of "Take the good with the bad" and I am glad to have her, even with all the stress she adds.
Links - January Posts
February Update
Art
Annual Sick Time
Have I gotten through a single winter without getting sick?
This time, I feel a little suspicious of the cause.
Two weeks ago, I got sick with a bug that lasted about 48-60 hours. I remember both the duration and the timeframe because I recovered enough to make my usually-Monday grocery shopping trip on Wednesday, and learned the hard way that last week's winter storm had been forecast. While I was trying to get my regular week's groceries, everyone else in the area was apparently panic-shopping.
Side note: Does anyone know why people stock up on French toast makings for winter storms?
This past weekend, I came down with what seemed to be the exact same symptoms, only they lasted longer.
Now, not to accuse her of anything, but the cat I adopted last August sure has been enjoying me being sick and seems to want me to get back to lying down.
Can kitties run bio-labs? Hmm...
Links - December Posts
January Update
Art
Happy New Year
I am sorry.
I want to start the new year with an optimistic message about looking forward to new opportunities.
However, I cannot keep generating hope from nothing.
My life has been on a downward trajectory for seven years now. There have been occasional bright spots, certainly, but the overall direction has been towards darkness. While I am still a far distance and many rest stops from "dying alone in a ditch," the highway of my life is certainly heading towards that final destination, and I believe my last possible exit has already been long passed.
I do not do well as a "tortured arteest." The conditions for my best productivity are when I have stability, comfort, and happiness, all of which have been increasingly taken from me over the years.
I do not want to go into details, partially because this is already more than dramatic and whiny enough, and partially because some of the coming year's problems might even include legal battles.
I genuinely want to draw illustrations. I genuinely want to write and draw comics. But I am struggling.
I know others have their own problems. I know some people have worse situations than I do. So, I say this with that awareness and with caution:
I hope that you are looking forward to a bright and rewarding 2026.
Links - November Posts
December Update
Art
Humorous Husband
Me: "Why is it that I can think I am making good progress on a drawing, then see its thumbnail and think it looks terrible?"
Him: "Because you are an artist and you all are insane. Oh, I mean, it must be an optical illusion."
Grateful November, Novembug, Posevember
I gave up on these pretty quickly. I like all three ideas, but I opted to work on other concepts instead, specifically...
Poll Results
The polls did not receive many votes, but I did not expect that they would. So, if you feel your vote never makes a difference, know that it makes a huge difference in polls that receive single-digit vote totals!
I decided to finish all the character images that received at least a vote. These are the poll results, in case you are curious.
DONE - 5 votes - Marigold Miller a.k.a. "miller's daughter of Rumpelstiltskin story" (Sharpclaw)
DONE - 4 votes - Lady Wanion a.k.a. the old apple crone (Sharpclaw)
Among my many bad habits is avoidance. In fact, inaction is probably my greatest weakness.
When I screw up, I feel bad about it, so I avoid the related situation. Eventually, the avoidance can build into a big problem. If it involves reaching out to someone, then the social situation gets more awkward with each postponement. If it involves a chore, then the work required builds until a manageable task gets complicated.
I do not do this for everything and I try to catch myself, but there are times I feel overwhelmed and I let the problem get out of control, particularly if it includes components I just do not know how to handle... particularly social or embarrassing ones.
I have been avoiding posting, because I am still trying to figure out how to move forward with creating and sharing comics and art.
Deer Me has been on hiatus for literally years now. This is not out of lack of interest on my part. I sincerely have more story ideas I genuinely want to create. In fact, I have so many concepts that they overwhelm me; I have previously written about my need for a "Crazy Wall." Last November, I resolved to get existing concepts sorted and written. I did establish a good-if-rough chronology, but not write much. Rather than focus on the success of making a semblance of a timeline, I focused on my failure to write actual chapter scripts.
Focusing on the negative rather than the positive is another big weakness of mine.
Sharpclaw has been progressing ridiculously slowly. In truth, I genuinely stopped enjoying drawing. I did not want to draw. I did not want to want to draw. I am not sure how many levels removed I got, but I think I hit bottom with "I want to want towant to draw."
Yes, I said "hit bottom." Four days ago, I started sketching the current work-in-progress Sharpclaw comic (that I meant to finish and post today, but more griping later) and felt something I had not felt in months. Elated, I sent this to Hubby:
"Happy news!
I actually felt joy in drawing tonight! I did not work for long and did not start until late, but I actually want to continue. And I actually found myself enjoying what I was doing.
Drawing has been strictly a chore lately. I know I often despair about not getting back into it when it has been a while, but to not even enjoy the act at all... Oof. I was happy to finish the page I finished last week, but I did not enjoy doing it.
This time, I actually want to get back to what I was doing, not out of a sense of 'should,' but genuine want."
It was shocking to realize how long I had ceased enjoying what is my life's passion, but exciting to feel that delight again.
But the work does still need doing.
If you are like me, then you are weary of my oft-repeated statements of, "Comics are coming! Deer Me is not dead! The next Sharpclaw page is coming soon!" These assurances are sincere and heartfelt, but feel empty with lack of fulfillment. I feel that way, anyway, and I am the one making them; I am the one who knows what is happening!
As a consumer of entertainment myself, I have mixed feelings about confession-explanations like this one. I generally find them annoying and would prefer some cute "on hiatus" image, but understand that sometimes it is reassuring to know that the creator genuinely does still want to continue the work. I have seen many, many projects abandoned over the years without even an acknowledgment from the creators, who either disappear entirely or move onto other projects (that often also get abandoned).
If you find this kind of announcement annoying, then I apologize and thank you for getting all the way through it. If you find this kind of announcement helpful, then I apologize that you had to wait so long for it and thank you for your patience.
The Important Part: What Now?
Honestly, I am not sure what now. Obviously, I want to write more scripts. I want to draw more comic pages. I want to draw non-comic art. So, those are all "what now," but establishing a production routine and publishing schedule that works... I do not know the details yet.
I still like my recent idea of sharing sketches that can be voted on for "complete this next," but am still figuring out how to do that. You probably know by now that I am terrible at social media. I also have other issues that conflict with creativity, but everyone has those problems and has to find solutions; I need to figure out mine.
That does not give you anything to expect, for which I apologize. While my top hope is to just get back to creating and posting comic pages and art, I shall try to at least provide better insights as to how things are going. Share ideas if you have them.
